That's what I feel like I have. A hangover! I still can't believe that my little teeny babies turned 10 years old yesterday! I keep saying , "where has the time gone?" I feel like I have blinked my eyes and I went from having these tiny 4.5 lb precious mini's - to these young women, who have somehow formed their own opinions on everything in the world!
I spent a few minutes this morning, looking through Sam's 5th grade yearbook. I finally just wrote him a message in it, because I couldn't seem to wrap my head around all I wanted to say to him at the end of the school year. My heart is so full when it comes to Sam, he is a special boy, that a lot of people don't understand. Except for me, I fully "get" him, so you can imagine the tears that flowed when I finally finished what I had to say to him. Now I will just leave it, and let him come across it in his own time. :)
This picture above makes me smile like a cheese head. How much they have changed and grown, and still, how beautiful I think they are. Not just in looks, but in the people that they are becoming. I am not sure everyone will understand when I say this, but I am sure that most parents will - but sometimes I almost feel heartbroken with pride, at what good kids I have. I feel guilty for being so lucky! And I wonder sometimes if this feeling will ever go away? I really hope not! When I think about it, I hope that when my own mom looks at myself, my sisters and brother, I only hope she can feel a fraction of the pride about us, that I feel about my own kids!
So, my reason for being all sloppy with emotion today is because yesterday threw a curve ball at me. We found out that Jeremy will be playing football after all at Westfield, and he is to report to training came 9am, SATURDAY morning!!! THIS SATURDAY MORNING! I was not quite ready for this because we had never heard anything back after he sent in his "highlight reel". He went yesterday, hoping to find out if he could be a "walk on" - and the next thing he knew he was being shuffled around by the athletic director and football coach, with a guaranteed position of punter, and information about how he was to report to camp on Saturday for the next few weeks! um, WHAT? I thought we had more time! I am not ready! I do not have everything ready for him to move into dorm life, and emotionally , well forget it..I can't delve into how I am emotionally about all this, no one has time for that. I summed it up though: I am not ready! There have been so many emotions over the past couple weeks, most of them being in the sad form, so I am just ready for emotions of the good kind! This is an amazing opportunity for Jeremy, and again, I could not be more proud!
Now for some RA crap - I am not sure I mentioned speaking to my dr the other day. My MTX dose and my prednisone dose have both been upped. All of my bloodwork came back free and clear. My liver is functioning fine, vitamin D is good, white cells, etc. Physically, I am doing so bad. I have not felt "good" in a couple weeks. From med side effects, to RA symptoms, this disease is kicking my ass. I have had some private breakdowns, where I dread getting out of bed in the morning, because putting my feet on the floor hurts - standing weight on my ankles, unbearable! Brushing my hair, and the girls hair, is a task in of itself. My wrists and thumbs are sometimes just not functional. They hurt like as if they are broken, and at times I can just hold them to my body ,because sometimes that is all that feels good. I am ready to feel good again. I am sick and tired of feeling like this, so it is time for these damn medications to start doing their job and working! I AM ready for this!
I am off to enjoy my coffee in the quiet of this morning before the troops awaken! It seems a beautiful day is upon a is, I hope you get to enjoy it!
I spent a few minutes this morning, looking through Sam's 5th grade yearbook. I finally just wrote him a message in it, because I couldn't seem to wrap my head around all I wanted to say to him at the end of the school year. My heart is so full when it comes to Sam, he is a special boy, that a lot of people don't understand. Except for me, I fully "get" him, so you can imagine the tears that flowed when I finally finished what I had to say to him. Now I will just leave it, and let him come across it in his own time. :)
So, my reason for being all sloppy with emotion today is because yesterday threw a curve ball at me. We found out that Jeremy will be playing football after all at Westfield, and he is to report to training came 9am, SATURDAY morning!!! THIS SATURDAY MORNING! I was not quite ready for this because we had never heard anything back after he sent in his "highlight reel". He went yesterday, hoping to find out if he could be a "walk on" - and the next thing he knew he was being shuffled around by the athletic director and football coach, with a guaranteed position of punter, and information about how he was to report to camp on Saturday for the next few weeks! um, WHAT? I thought we had more time! I am not ready! I do not have everything ready for him to move into dorm life, and emotionally , well forget it..I can't delve into how I am emotionally about all this, no one has time for that. I summed it up though: I am not ready! There have been so many emotions over the past couple weeks, most of them being in the sad form, so I am just ready for emotions of the good kind! This is an amazing opportunity for Jeremy, and again, I could not be more proud!
Now for some RA crap - I am not sure I mentioned speaking to my dr the other day. My MTX dose and my prednisone dose have both been upped. All of my bloodwork came back free and clear. My liver is functioning fine, vitamin D is good, white cells, etc. Physically, I am doing so bad. I have not felt "good" in a couple weeks. From med side effects, to RA symptoms, this disease is kicking my ass. I have had some private breakdowns, where I dread getting out of bed in the morning, because putting my feet on the floor hurts - standing weight on my ankles, unbearable! Brushing my hair, and the girls hair, is a task in of itself. My wrists and thumbs are sometimes just not functional. They hurt like as if they are broken, and at times I can just hold them to my body ,because sometimes that is all that feels good. I am ready to feel good again. I am sick and tired of feeling like this, so it is time for these damn medications to start doing their job and working! I AM ready for this!
I am off to enjoy my coffee in the quiet of this morning before the troops awaken! It seems a beautiful day is upon a is, I hope you get to enjoy it!
Be well,
Mb
So much going on. You are a strong woman, and a wonderful mother (obviously -- look at those kids!). You will get through it, and you will shine on the other side. Also, congrats to Jeremy!! Wow. I canNOT belive he is off to COLLEGE this week. Damn.
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