Important things- 2014

Just a couple more days!!!

Words to live by lately. Or, forever.  

A day for love and family, Merry Christmas!

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  I'd apologize, but I'm not necessarily sorry.   Just tired of my life revolving around my sicknesses.   

It's the eve of Christmas.   I'm not necessarily in the spirit like I usually am.   Life has been crazy, rushed, busy.   None of the things that the holiday should bring.   I, and people I love have been impacted by hard times, death, tragedy, sickness- things that are hard to overcome at this time of year.  So this Christmas, I don't care about the presents, the food, even the booze that I normally consume at great lengths- the most important thing is that I am here.   I am present.  My family is healthy, I have a roof over my head, food on my table- and I am here for the people I love whenever they need me.   Those I care so deeply about are clawing their way through- and they will get there.  They'll get there by the love and strength of family, friends, great people who will help them through,people who I am proud to say, are like me.  

Take a minute today,(though I know you probably will!), and remember the good times you've had with those who can't be with you.  Gone too soon, gone this year, or gone even long before.   Laugh about some memories, and smile with some love in your heart.  Today is the 25th anniversary of the death of my father-in-law. No, I never had the privilege of meeting him, but I feel like I know him through the stories, the pictures- the good times that my husband and his family talk about and remember.  I know he would be so proud of his children, and would've loved to know his grandchildren- even his two great grandchildren.   I know he is watching over us and smiling. 

My wish for everyone this Christmas, is that you get to spend it with those you love.   Take some pictures, laugh and smile, and may you find love, good health and happiness in the new year!

Merry Christmas, 

Mb 

Been a while!

I've been keeping to myself.   Maybe good, maybe not so much!   Been thinking a lot today.  And I think there must be some reason I have been riddled with the diseases I have- there has to be!   I'm just at the point of giving in, laying down, playing dead- but I won't let any of it get  the best of me!  For there must be a reason I am fighting this, but there are many more reasons I will win! 

Slinking away slowly, but smiling as I go!  

Be well,

Mb

One day post...

...being back on both medications.  I've been sick as a dog all morning.  You'd never know if I didn't tell you.  I'm up, dressed and having a fabulous hair day!  Fuck you RA- you will never beat me!!! 

March - in like a Lion for sure!

Hi, I am Maribeth - I have RA and newly diagnosed Fibromyalgia, and it has been 3 weeks since I have last taken medication - and I have to say, my body has never been in more pain!  You will never hear me complain too much, as I HATE to even seem remotely vulnerable, but I can tell you, I am so not well! The most I can take right now is tylenol(tylenol doesn't do shit!) , or I could ironically take narcotics, which I have none of!  My bigger problem right now, is the ignorance of others. I know alot of people just don't get it, but believe me when I say,"I can barely walk" - because I am not even exaggerating!  Being off my meds for this long, has thrown me into a serious full fledged flare.   Some have asked, "well, why don't you just put off your surgery?"  To which I will answer: 1 - I have already put this surgery off, over a year.  My tumor has grown, if I continue to put it off, the tumor will continue to grow and that will make for a more invasive surgery.  2 - Someone like me, who has the AI diseases I do, this is the way it goes.  No matter when I have surgery, I have to go off my drugs for this length of time, or else I have increased chances of infection, and not healing - all of the drugs I take inhibit my ability to heal - they are Immuno Suppressants, look it up if you need further explanation.  I knew what I was headed for, which is why you won't hear me really complain, except for right here. 

Any who - surgery is Wednesday.  I am very anxious about the pre-surgical stuff that needs to happen.  I was with my mother every minute of her surgery for the same exact procedure, and it was a very long, hard day for her - I just hope mine goes better.  I know I am lucky, I don't have Cancer, but it is the same exact surgery whether you do or don't. Going into this, already in very high pain, I just don't know what to expect - so please, good thoughts only! 

Until next time, which will most likely be post surgery,
be well!

-mb

I'm petrified of the condition I am going to be in over the next few week...no Enbrel Injections for 6 weeks, last Saturday being the final one before surgery....

I met with my Rheumy team last week to go over my game plan as I prepare for the lumpectomy. Due to the medications suppressing my immune system, (all the medications I am on make it so my body would not be able to heal after surgery), I need to be off the Enbrel injection for 3 weeks prior, and 3 weeks post surgery.  I also need to be off the MTX shot for 2 weeks prior, as well as 2 weeks post surgery.  I have been in such bad shape the last 3 weeks with the flare, that I have had to up my steroid dose, I truly feel if I had not upped it, I would not be walking right now.  So, I also have to try and get lower, if not completely off of the steroid in the next 3 weeks.    Another downside to all of this, is at 12 weeks we would assess whether or not the Enbrel shot is working for me, but since I am at week 9, and won't be doing another injection for 6 weeks - I will basically have to start over after surgery, and see if this medication is truly helping. 

Are we not stuck in the winter that will never end?   Between the cold, and snow, I feel like my body has taken an extra beating.  I am never one to rush away the snow, as I truly adore it, but I can't wait for warmer, sunnier days. 

I am taking the next couple weeks before surgery to map out a new game plan, and when I am healed -  I am changing things.  I'm not happy right now and can't waste any more time - so with the Spring will bring change, I can't wait!

Until next time, be well!
mb
xo