Monday, February 27, 2017

No blog post in almost 2 years!

Sorry, not sorry.  I'm a busy person, and just got so sick and tired of bitching and complaining.   I try to live my life in the moment, and not focus on the bad.  Not always easy.  Nothing has made me want to write about what's been going on in my life, until last night.   Random, I know!

I was getting myself ready to go to bed, and saying goodnight to my girls.  Bella was present as I was drawing out one of my weekly injections.    She stayed and watched, and for the first time said to me "I'd offer to do it for you mom, but I don't think I can."  She doesn't mean she wants to take the injection FOR me, she means she'll give me my shot. For the past couple years, I always ask "hey, want to do this for me?" And they usually just say "no way!"  I ask them this, well ...because some day I may not be able to do them myself.   One of my injections is an auto-injector, meaning- I don't even see the needle, I just press it against my skin, and it injects me.   One injection, I have to draw out myself, into what I would call is a diabetic hypodermic needle.  It's the smallest needle there is, so it hurts less.   Bella watched as I pinched my skin, and counted to 3, probably six times, while pinching my skin, before I actually stuck myself.  She said "mom, you're so brave."

Brave.

I looked at her and said her and said "Brave?  Bella, it took me six tries before I could even stick myself."  And I laughed.   Then I said "I don't look at this as being brave.  But thank you.  Firemen, police officers, soldiers are brave.   I do this because it's a necessity.  Without this, who knows, I could be in a wheelchair by now. ". Bella is just looking at me, with her beautiful brown deer eyes.   I then said, "Bella,, it's almost selfish, but  I need to do this, because without it, I couldn't be out there everyday, watching you, and Grace, and Sam, on the field, in the dirt, or on the court.  I'd do anything to keep myself being able to see all that."

She hugged me, said "goodnight.  I love you.  And I think you're brave, Mom"  ❤

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

This is my life....

(As of late...)
 And this is my life....

And I am so fucking tired of it!  I don't complain a lot.  I don't say much, in fact. It's something I deal with, because I have to, and life goes on.   There are much more important things.  I think so, anyway. 

I'm fucking tired.  I'm sore.  I'm bitter, and angry, and sad.  Did I mention, I'm tired? Exhausted. 

Things have to change.  I have to commit to change.   I'm so close to being ready.  But I am so tired.  

Be well, 
Mb

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Important things- 2014

Just a couple more days!!!

Friday, December 26, 2014

Words to live by lately. Or, forever.  

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

A day for love and family, Merry Christmas!

It's been a LONG time since I've blogged.  I'd apologize, but I'm not necessarily sorry.   Just tired of my life revolving around my sicknesses.   

It's the eve of Christmas.   I'm not necessarily in the spirit like I usually am.   Life has been crazy, rushed, busy.   None of the things that the holiday should bring.   I, and people I love have been impacted by hard times, death, tragedy, sickness- things that are hard to overcome at this time of year.  So this Christmas, I don't care about the presents, the food, even the booze that I normally consume at great lengths- the most important thing is that I am here.   I am present.  My family is healthy, I have a roof over my head, food on my table- and I am here for the people I love whenever they need me.   Those I care so deeply about are clawing their way through- and they will get there.  They'll get there by the love and strength of family, friends, great people who will help them through,people who I am proud to say, are like me.  

Take a minute today,(though I know you probably will!), and remember the good times you've had with those who can't be with you.  Gone too soon, gone this year, or gone even long before.   Laugh about some memories, and smile with some love in your heart.  Today is the 25th anniversary of the death of my father-in-law. No, I never had the privilege of meeting him, but I feel like I know him through the stories, the pictures- the good times that my husband and his family talk about and remember.  I know he would be so proud of his children, and would've loved to know his grandchildren- even his two great grandchildren.   I know he is watching over us and smiling. 

My wish for everyone this Christmas, is that you get to spend it with those you love.   Take some pictures, laugh and smile, and may you find love, good health and happiness in the new year!

Merry Christmas, 
Mb 

Friday, August 1, 2014

Been a while!

I've been keeping to myself.   Maybe good, maybe not so much!   Been thinking a lot today.  And I think there must be some reason I have been riddled with the diseases I have- there has to be!   I'm just at the point of giving in, laying down, playing dead- but I won't let any of it get  the best of me!  For there must be a reason I am fighting this, but there are many more reasons I will win! 

Slinking away slowly, but smiling as I go!  
Be well,
Mb